GRANDPARENTS RIGHTS WHEN THEIR CHILD DIES

It is unfortunate to lose your child - whether it is suddenly due to accident, or even after a long-term illness.

The hope is that your child has made the properly arrangements for care of his/her children so that you - as the grandparent - can continue. Unfortunately, that is too often not the case.

What are the possible scenarios and solutions?

Your child has died, but the other parent has not. Depending on the type of relationship you have, keep your involvement with your grandchildren as it was before. However, do realize it may change. Your daughter- or son-in-law in now alone and is grieving. During this time of your own grief, being with your grandchild(ren) more often may be a comfort to you, and help to the partner left behind.

If the other parent and your child had an estranged relationship, the death of your child may actual help the situation in that the tug-of-war may be gone (sad as that may sound). Try to follow the remaining parents lead on this.

The other parent dies, and your child remains. This is identical to the situation described above - only the roles are reversed. No matter what your feelings about the parent who has died (your daughter- or son-in-law) or his/her family, other people still need to be included in your grandchild (ren)'s life. Unless you have serious, sustainable doubts about someone's ability or intentions with your grandchild (ren), help them during this time of grief and allow them to hold on what they do have remaining in the life of the son or daughter they lost: their grandchild (ren).

Both parents have died. Not only have you lost your son or daughter, but you have also lost a son- or daughter-in-law. Here you have double grief compounded with anguish over what will happen with your grandchild (ren). If there is another set of grandparents involved, make a connection with them to not only offer support to one another, but also discuss your grandchild (ren). If there are aunts/uncles that seem like parent possibilities for your grandchild (ren), be open to those discussions. The most important factor to take into account during this time is the well-being of your grandchild (ren). Therefore, don't rush into decisions and that whatever decisions are made, are legal.

If you find there is a battle ensuing over custody - by either the other grandparents or family members (e.g., brothers/ sisters who are the uncles/aunts of the child (ren)) - hire an attorney as soon as you feel that your rights may be overlooked. Even if both parents awarded custody to someone other than you, you do still have the right for visitation. While it may be unfortunate that a court has to make this decision, you must think of what's best for your grandchild (ren) - and for you.

It is a tough line to walk if any of these situations has transpired. Realizing that it might seem monumental now, time does heal all wounds, and the law in our side. Do what must be done for the sake of your grandchild (ren). Grandparent custody rights should never be overlooked.

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